RETIREMENT?!!

I never considered the fact that one day, he would retire. Now WTF do I do? Besides cry, I mean.

Well, that's a surprise..or not

My family (aka, the circus ) has come and gone. It was actually a great visit and I owe them a great apology for referring to them as such. Turns out..the circus isn't the problem...it's the Ringmasters. That would be my mother and step dad. The clown is my idiot cousin. I have an entire rant reserved just for her..but not tonight.

xoxo

The Circus is in town!

No wait...that's just my family come to visit.

This should be good. More to come, I am sure....:p

FUCK ME RUNNING

Today my hsb. announced that they will be doing away with Saturday delivery of mail by the USPS. He further elaborated that the PO is going by way of the car companies and will be downsizing some 22,000 jobs...and demanding a 2-5 $ wage cut for remaining employees.

Okay OBAMA supporters..still think he is such hot shit? Still think he is the 2nd coming? Oh, he is...just not the one you think he is.

Fuck him fuck them all.

The Winchesters are at it again. aka If you build it, they will come

And I don't mean the cute ones, Dean and Sam, from Supernatural...I mean my crazy neighbors. They build non stop over there. At one time there was a house w/a detached garage. NOW, there is this huge structure resembling a small cult compound; you can not tell where the house stops and the garage starts. It is all now interconnected...bizarrely interconnected. I am sure no permits were issued for this dwelling reassignment..there is no way it is up to code. But none the less, they forge ahead hammering til all hours of the night and early morning. I would think they were vampires, but I do see them out inspecting their abode in the sunlight.

About 3 months ago we had a huge storm with strong winds....the whole ass end of this architectural nightmare landed in several neighboring yards. So hence, the renewed buidling frenzy.

If I can get out there when they aren't nailing something together, I am SOOO going to take pictures. :))

I was so wrong..it was worth it, worth it, worth it! Elton and Billy are a must see, no matter how much planning it takes.

We ate at Buca di Beppo, then the concert! 31/2 hours of bliss with 20,000 of my closest friends :p

I can honestly say I waited 30 years for this, and it was worth it. I am a happy girl!.

It's more work than it's worth, really

For me to leave the house for 24 hours requires 72 hours of prep. I just want to say NO..but I can't. My daughter and I are going to see Billy Joel and Elton John, in concert. She talked me into it by saying "MOM! How much longer do you think these geezers will be going on tour??" Her logic got to me, so I said sure.

It has taken an enormous amount of planning, scheduling and rescheduling, for me to go. I used to be able to say 'I'm going to a concert" and then leave to go. I miss the '80's!

See ya after I get back; we're going to be packed like sardines in a hotel room with 4 kids. Oh yippeee hahaha

She's just crazy

Okay..correct me if I am wrong..but, if someone says "I have got HAVE GOT to be to work by 8:30 AM, so I'll be at your house by 7:45 AM...shouldn't they arrive before noon?
My SIL is way short the sandwiches it takes for a picnic; I've always known this, it is a fact of life. But lately, it is pissing me off. Why? Because she is crazy, no one expects anything from her, not even punctuality. Guess what? I DO! Crazy Cakes needs medicated and/or hospitalized.

She isn't your normal inlaw crazy, she truly is in need of mental health care; her meltdowns are astounding and disturbing. Like the time her daughter passed out after getting blood drawn..and she screamed like a banschee and DRAGGED her around the house by her arm, babbling incoherently while my brother called 911. Or how 3 days later, claimed that Taco Bell was trying to kill her by putting something in her food...running around the house, holding her head yelling her brain was shutting down. YEAH..she is THAT kind of crazy.

I want to smack my brother for marrying her when he knew she was nuts. I want to punch and kick him for having a kid, at age 50, with the same crazy ( then aged 46 ) nutcase. I want to use a cattle prod on both of them for what they are doing to their kid, all in the name of keeping her crazy ass quiet.

GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today is the 4th of July.

Try not to blow anything or anyone up...but have a good time.

You Reap What You Sow

Just talked to my daughter. They live behind a gated community with all the restrictions , rules, and HomeOwners Association costs that are included with such. The key words here are 'they live behind "; they are not a part of this community, have a restriction free deed to their land, as do their immediate neighbors. The live on, and actually own, a cul de sac. A nice, safe, dead end street for my girls to live and play on.

Or is it?

The HomeOwners Assoc. is pissed off that Erica, Jason, the neighbors, and the soon to be new neighbors, are exempt from their tyranny. They allow their teen agers to run rampant through the neighborhoods, terrorizing everyone. My daughter awoke one day last week to find 3 teen agers RipSticking on her newly poured driveway. When she opened her back door, one little darling had the audacity to throw his arms up in a gang sign and say" What the fuck are you doing here? YOU don't belong here." When she told them to get off her property, he offered up that his father ( head of the H.O. Assoc. told him he was allowed to skate on the INTERLOPER'S property!! Yeah..they are those kind of kids, from those kind of parents.

Today, these same sweet, well bred kids were racing the neighborhood in the leader's brand new pickup truck; one driving, 3 in the bed. He took a turn meant to be taken at about 15 mph at about 50; he missed the turn, ran through a neighbor's front yard...and met with a tree, head on. All 3 kids in the back were thrown out..one went over the cab of the truck, hit the tree. This was at 10:15 am this morning; it is now 12:45 pm, and the emergency crews and pollice are still at the scene.

I have no idea what condition any of them are in. I feel bad that I don't feel bad... my first and only thoughts were for my girls. What if they, or someone else, had been walking down the street at that moment? Or crossing the street? Or just in their own front yard?

I am consumed with What If's. Ugh. I'll find out what happened later.

Okay..it's later. One kid was critically injured.they've all be charged with wreckless endangerment, property damage, and a few other charges. The kid driving ( same one as with the RipStick on the driveway) had the cops yelling for him to shut the hell up...he was calling the cops names and demanding to be let go. Yeah..that's just what we all need. pfft

Wanna make something of it?

I've been busy, what can I say? :p

TONIGHT ON: HOUSE....

THEY KILLED KUTNER!
wtf??

4/7/09

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Now I don't feel bad at all they killed Kutner off.
Piece of shit quit the series to work for NOBAMA. fuck them both.

:(( Paisley..I miss you, honey

We lost a beloved ( well, they are all beloved ) furry, four legged member of our family this week. 'nuf said.

Rachael Ray is hiding in my bathroom!

And I think it was me who allowed her to do it. Well, actually, it is my newest RR cookbook..but it was disconcerting to see her staring at me at 7:30 this morning. Her 'delish' 'yummo' and 'evoo' make me want to seriously kick her ass. But it is all I can do to be upright and mobile that early. If she's still in there later today..I may just have to have a throw down with that hyper be-yotch.

I left the house today

Just because I wanted to.
NANA NANA BOO BOO


Oh yeah.

TODAY IS DEBBIE SLIWINSKI'S BIRTHDAY!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEB!! :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

My daughter felt good enough to go to lunch..what else do I need? :):) Money..yes, I would also accept money. HAHAHAHAAA

Billy Mays has important things to tell us

There are some things you just know to be true...

Billy Mays has important things to tell us ...

I know cause the 4 yr. old me, as he stared intently into the TV screen. He is impressed with Mr. Mays; he told me " I love Billy Mays! He has great products that you need!" So far, Billy hasn't sold me anything, but if the 4 yr. had money..I would own a plethora of Mays' products. Billy Mays and Debbie Meyer should get married; she could keep all his products fresh.

ITunes, Amazon.Com,Barnes and Noble, Kohls Dept. Store ...

they all know me by name, and own a piece of my soul. I suck.

Don't answer ...
When your hsb. asks you if you use ITunes very much. Just blink and say something innocuous like..oh, sometimes..mostly I upload my own stuff.

Everything in our house is meant to hang clothing on ...
I know this is true because my hsb. hangs his clothes on EVERYTHING in our house, including the vacuum. WTF?

Any/every box of cereal only yields 3-4 bowls ..
portion control, smortion control; that 12 serving thing on the nutritional values is simply a 'suggestion'

These are just some of the things I learned today! Everyday is a learning experience ;)

SS,DD

Well, all of her test came back fine. Spinal was clear, MRI's came back negative. While those are excellent reasons to celebrate, we still don't have an answer; she will be going to U of M to see if they have a definitive diagnosis. Right now, the working theory is : MS/MS symptoms caused by HUMIRA.

Lots and Lots and Lots of side effects.

Tomorrow, tomorrow..

We find out tomorrow..MAYBE..what the results of the botched ( did I say that??) spinal* and the rest of the tests have given us.

Pray hard, wish us ( ERICA ) luck!

*more on this later.....

NOTES TO SELF

• the dog is 16 in human years. When she meanders out the bedroom, it is already too late. Keep the timer set, ship her tiny ass outside.
• Red flannel sheets maybe festive, warm, and snuggly..but they are a poor choice when you are owned by cats who sleep on the bed. Try not to be mad, he really did mean well when he chose them.
• All of your cats are retarded. All.of.them. Face it, you did something terrible in a former life, and they are your payback. You are their slave and will be until you die. Where upon you will be met on the Rainbow Bridge by all those who have gone on before..and promptly clawed to death ( again ) for some perceived, past minor indiscretions.
• You are always going to be behind in everything. Get over it. It will always still be there when you get home. Getting Erica back on her feet is the only thing that matters.
• Make Hsb. pitch in and IGNORE the incessant whining he does. Pour a bucket of fuck it on it and make him do something, anything!
• Add to this list later..there are other things you should be doing, dammit!
  

/do you have the answers/?

It isn't that I have too much time on my hands, quite the opposite. But I as I go about my day, thoughts of things that I find are really mind-numbingly stupid fly, in and out.

1. Arnold Schwartenagger. He is Gov. of California..and he has allowed it to run into bankruptcy. I don't want to hear how things are bad all over..he started CA's downward spiral before rest of the country went to shit. Way to stay ahead of the curve there, Arnie. Now he wants to tax Veterinary bills! Like taking your sick, 4 legged loved one to the dr. is a luxury. Fuck off, Arnie.
2. Can anyone ANYONE actually name 5 movies this abuser of the English language has made? The Terminator/Conan series' does NOT count. I can't, and I am pretty good at warehousing useless information. This just makes him another failed actor in office.
3. What the fuck is wrong with Casey Anthony's family? I blame her parents as much as I blame her, for little Caylee's death. Crazy Anthony and her child lived with them, ffs. How can someone, a child, live in your house, be missing for 5 weeks, and YOU not do something? They should all be put away..there is something very wrong there.
4. Crazy baby-having,at home living, octuplet dropping be-yotch on the news: someone do something; her own mother has finally had enough. How does someone with 6 kids get fertility drugs? AND invitro? Oh yeah..cause ALL of her kids are invitro; the whole thing is just nuts! Click link below to see story. You can't make this shit up.
   
5. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/WomensHealth/story?id=6774471&page=1
6. 700 billion dollar bail out, half of it dispursed..and the gov't can't rightly say who got the money. WTF?? Umm, I don't have it, do you?
   
7. Obama is a power mad idiot who has most of the country snowed. Not me, I have never bought his song and dance, never will. Bush sucked, but Obama is going to make everyone wish this election had never happened. He is a dictator in the making; he is sticking his nose in where gov't does not belong. People are throwing away their rights to him. This is the way it starts, people. Wake the fuck up!
8. Oprah Winfrey. Stop.her.now. I don't care if she is fat, has a thyroid problem, or cries when Obama enters the room. I am sick to death of the "It's all about me, show!!" and I don't even watch her or read her magazine. Open a school here..not just for underprivilged black kids, but for any kid that needs it. Actually do something right here at home...AND STOP WHINING ABOUT YOUR INSIGNICANT, NEARLY NONEXISENT PROBLEMS.
9. I wish I was as fat as Jessica Simpson. 'nuf said.
10. Why is is acceptable for non profit organizations to harrass me/you via the phone? If I had the money to donate, I would. And once I donate, don't send me a bill! Ask Special Olympics how well that worked out for them. I do not owe you the money, that is why it is called a 'donation'; sending me a notice that my 'donation' is overdue just pisses me the hell off. STOP IT, or no more money for you! Ever! x(
    
11. I have a ton of them, but not a ton of time..I will add to this later
    

SHELFARI

I've added my Shelfari shelf. As I look, I am amazed at the number of books I have read ( and I got tired of adding...I am not even half way done! ) More amazed that I OWN, in hardback form, 99% of the books you see on the shelves. ( I am buried under books.) Run your curser over the books for a surprise :) And yes, I am aware they are nearly all horror books. Get yer own shelf and fill it with what ever YOU are reading...I highly recommend you do so.

Inconclusive

The tests are inconclusive. My daughter is, for all intents and purposes, paralyzed from the waist down...and the tests are inconclusive. While I am greatly relieved her MRI's came back clean, it doesn't change the fact that she is still in constant pain, still incapacitated. I don't want her to have something dire, but FFS, she needs a diagnosis..we all do, so she can be treated for what she actually has, not what she may have. Ugh. I am just frustrated for her. Her new Dr. is agressive and throrough; he upped her anti-spastic meds. and ordered a spinal tap. Next is an in-visit to the Cleveland Clinic and/or the University of Mich. We are all just so tired of the 'hurry up and wait' routine. Damn it. :(

Are You the Key Master?

For the millionth time, my hsb. can't find his keys. It is always the same.."Do you have my keys? Have you seen my keys? Did you move my keys? Where in the hell are my keys?!" Usually it takes place at 4 a.m. as he is leaving for work. WTF? Why doesn't he just hang his keys up like a normal person? BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE TOO EASY. This is an ongoing habit of his that drives me insane. For Valentine's Day one year, I bought him a huge, HUGE key ring that said " Just try to lose this one, honey!" and a sweatshirt that said "Have YOU seen my keys?". He seems to have lost both of those as well.

I am not looking for the keys, I don't want to, he can't make me..so there. Hmph. :p

Dear Marjorie

Hello Audrey - you don't know me but through a very circuitous route I ended up here on your blog tonight. After enjoying so many of your stories, artwork and humor, I came upon this post and was saddened to learn of your daughter's illness. I understand how much the heart can hurt and I could feel your anguish and pain. I just wanted to say that I do hope your daughter is feeling better and that things are improving... you both will be in my thoughts and prayers,
Marjorie





Dear Marjorie,
Though I am not Audrey, I thank you so very much for your kind words. I am Aud's blog partner, it is my daughter who is ill. She will get the results of her latest tests on Thursday...please keep her in your thoughts.

Thankfully, Aud's only child is well and happy, down on the farm :)

I posted this in my comment section, but was afraid you might miss it.

Thursday, 9 am

test results. My head is going to explode before then, I swear it.

I need a new motto

Well, I do. My most recent motto/mantra seems to be "Fuck Me"... and not said or meant in any enjoyable way .


I am thinking of using the new one below; I like it, it suits me hahahaaaa

Errors have been made, others will be blamed. :z

More, More, More crazy names

I got to thinking..I actually know some of these people. Well, not celebs, but people who have given their offspring cringe worthy names.

LIKE>>>>>>>>



Navada Durnwald ( a boy, his mother is just. not. right. )



London and Bridge ( 2 different children, same family )



Charlie ( a girl, this is her first name )



Frankie ( a girl..luckily for her, it is just a nickname..full name is Francesca )



DeNeil ( a girl I grew up with )



Cayman and Cayenne ( girls, named for the island and the spice..don't ask )



Jammie ( first name, girl my daughter went to school with..pronounced Jam-mee )



Jazz ( boy, child of daughter's best friend )



Lux ( girl )


Juwanna ( a girl , so named by a friend I went to school with; I tried in vain to stop her, knowing she would get "Juwanna f*ck? by the time she was in highschool. And she did get teased to the point she used her middle name from then on. )



I did manage to discourage my delivery guy from naming his son "J'. His reasoning was: he'll always know how to spell his name, it's easy to remember, no one else has that name. Ummm, unless you are one of the MIB*, you don't call your kid by just an initial. And if your kid requires just an initial to remember his name, there are bigger issues you need to deal with. Kid got named Blake.



And I haven't even scratched the surface. Before learning the baby was a boy, my SIL had

'LUCY LU" picked out for a girl. Wanted to call her 'LuLu" WTF?? The boy got a normal name, thanks to my brother.







MIB*= Men In Black

WTF were they thinking?

Do celebrities sign a contract promising to name their offspring ridiculous names? I mean, does having fame and or money, really entitle you to saddle your child with some hideous moniker? These kids better be seriously great looking..and pack a good right hand. Not that there aren't some fucked up old names..take Dorcas for instance. Or Nimrod ( yeah..it's an actual name!) Bertha, Bulah, Agnes...*shudders* But some of these new, made-up names, are just wrong on so many levels...I didn't run into a Female' or numbers or symbols ( Prince, aside ) for names..yet...
There are websites dedicated to these atrocities against children... :p

I like this one

I've listed the parental units responsible for these tragedies.

Don't even get me started on Michael Jackson :x

Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip (Jerry O'Connell )

Bronx Mowgli ( Ashley Simpson )

Bluebell Madonna: Geri Halliwell

Brooklyn: David and Victoria Beckham (also parents to Romeo and Cruz)

Gaia: Emma Thompson and Greg Wise

Gulliver: Gary Oldman and Donya Fiorentino

Heaven: Lil' Mo (also mother to God'Iss Love Stone)

Liberty: Ryan Giggs

London Emilio: Slash

Luna Coco Patricia: Frank Lampard and Elen Rive

Marquise: 50 Cent

Rufus Tiger: Roger Taylor also father to Tiger Lily and Lola Daisy

Saffron Sahara: Simon and Yasmin Le Bon (also parents to Amber Rose and Tallulah Pine)

Sage Moonblood: Sylvester Stallone and Sasha Czack (also parents to Seargeoh)

Satchel: Spike Lee and Tonya Lewis Lee

Seven Sirius: Andre Benjamin and Erykah Badu

Shiloh Nouvel: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

Sosie: Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick

Suri: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

Zola Ivy: Eddie Murphy and Nicole Mitchell

MORE:

Apple (Gwyneth Paltrow & Coldplay's Chris Martin)


Blue Angel (U2's The Edge)


Fifi Trixiebelle, Peaches Honeyblossom and Pixie (Bob Geldof)


Caledonia (Shawn Colvin)


Camera (Arthur Ashe)


Moon Unit, Dweezil, and Diva Muffin (Frank Zappa)


Sailor Lee (Christie Brinkley)


Puma (Erykah Badu)


Memphis Eve (U2's Bono)


Rumer and Tallulah Belle, Scout (Bruce Willis & Demi Moore)


Prima Sellechia (John Tesh & Connie Selleca)


Tu (Rob Morrow)


Reignbeau (Ving Rhames)


Moxie Crimefighter (Penn Gillette of Penn & Teller)


Calico (Alice Cooper)


Lark Song (Mia Farrow)


Willow Camille Reign (Will Smith & Jada Pinkett)


Destry (Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw)


LaPrincia (Bobby Brown)

Heavenly Hiranna Tiger Lily - (Michael Hutchence of INXS)

Fuchsia (Sting)


More Stupid boy names

Aja (Shania Twain)

Kal-El (named after Superman) (Nicolas Cage)


Banjo (Rachel Griffiths)


Audio Science (Shannyn Sossaman)


Aurelius Cy (Elle Macpherson)


Bamboo (Outkast's Big Boi)


Bow-Ty (50 Cent)


Dweezil and Ahmet (Frank Zappa)


Free (David Carradine & Barbara Hershey)


Jermajesty (Jermaine Jackson)


Zowie (David Bowie)


Zolten (Penn Gillette of Penn & Teller)


Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee)


Racer, Rocket, Rebel and Rogue (Robert Rodriguez). He also has a daughter, Rhiannon.

Freedom (Ving Rhames)


Denim Cole and Diezel Ky (Toni Braxton)


Seven Sirius (Andre 3000 & Erykah Badu)


Hud and Spec Wildhorse (John Cougar Mellencrap)


Atlanta (Duran Duran's John Taylor)


Thyme (Emma Thompson)


Homer James Jigme (Richard Gere & Carey Lowell)


Indiana August (Casey Affleck)



Ocean (Forest Whitaker)


Jaz (Andre Agassi)


Messiah Ya'Majesty (rapper T.I.)

How did this happen?

Yes, though it doesn't appear to matter..I have been MIA. Here is the reason:
My beloved daughter, my only child, is seriously ill. My heart hurts; I have never felt so helpless, so useless, in all of my life. I find that I now have tunnel vision: nothing else is as important as her getting well, nothing; everything else hinges on this fact. I am consumed with thoughts of how to make her well, how to help her. Please pray for my girl.

2000fucking9

Isn't shaping up to be a stellar year..and it is only the 3rd day. My daughter is ill,desperately ill. I feel helpless and stupid; I divide my time between trying to help, crying, and being a total bitch. :( Hope your year is off to a much better start.